I’ve talked about asking the question “why” before—the good it can do to question and wonder about your life. Now, I want to talk about asking the question “why not me?”
When I was pregnant with my seventh child, I was almost 43 years old. I knew in my heart that a little girl was waiting to come into my family and I fervently wanted to bring her to earth. I read the idea somewhere that children must come from God on a very fragile thread of spider-web, and I believe that to be true, as I had experienced miscarriage four times before Louisa made it across that tightrope into my arms.
It was a difficult pregnancy because of my age, and I struggled against daily contractions and impending miscarriage. My children prayed that “Mommy’s baby will stay in!” I didn’t lift a milk jug, or open a window or climb stairs or do anything that might strain myself and start the miscarriage process. Every morning for breakfast I took a bowl full of supplements and capsules of herbs to strengthen me and prevent miscarriage. I was morning sick, and this was a superhuman challenge to get them down and keep them down.
When it seemed the baby really would “stay in”, my worries increased as I realized that I was soon to celebrate my 43rd birthday, and the chances of birth defects are dramatically higher as a woman ages. My chance of having a Down’s Syndrome child was 1 in 30. I fussed thinking about it, and tried to rely on prayer to calm myself. One day I confided my fears to my midwife, hoping she would soothe them, and she said something that changed me forever. “Someone makes the statistics”.
Someone makes the statistics! What a fear-inducing thought! Why not me?! If someone makes the statistics, then why not me?
And that has been a life-altering thing to realize. I think about it everyday. There are so many car accidents daily—why not me? There are birth defects and heart attacks and electrocutions and robberies and people who slip and fall and others who are scammed and lose their life savings . . . and so much more. Bad things happen. It is a fact. And someone makes the statistics. Why not me?
That may seem like a very gruesome thought, but it is a huge blessing to me to ponder! We seem to think we are invincible. As teenagers, we are just sure we will be the winner, be the star, win the race, get the scholarship, marry the handsome prince, and live happily ever after. We feel like Superman, untouched by troubles that afflict the common human race. Realizing that someone makes the statistics helped me realize the tremendous blessings that I do have!
At that time, though, pregnant with Louisa, I was fear-struck by my midwife’s comment. Then I looked into the faces of my six healthy children, and realized that somehow by God’s grace, I had not yet made the statistics. And even if I did, He would be there to help me and make a good thing of it.
Why not me? That thought has served to make me count my blessings every single day. I have my troubles, like everyone, but it is amazing, almost beyond belief, that so many good things have come my way! God has blessed me so very much! Somehow I have escaped the divorce statistics, the infertility statistics, the unemployment statistics, the fatal car crash statistics, the world hunger statistics, the heart disease or cancer statistics. I have not even added to the swine flu statistics!
Facing the reality of all those possibilities makes me even more filled with gratitude! I live out in the country. Right now as I gaze out the window at the huge looming mountains near my home, God’s evidence and power seem so apparent. Just stopping and thinking of his tender care of me personally makes tears spring into my eyes. I have been so blessed, so blessed in so many ways!
Why not me? And even if it was me, I know there would be meaning and personal growth and His caring arms around me.